If only
by rjt040190
Summary: chap 2: I dedicated years of my life searching for her, because I believed I was going to find her. But she never turned up. We never found her. Everybody eventually gave up: The police, even her father did. But I never did. I just need closure, but I have a feeling that I will never get it. Maybe she's dead, maybe alive… That's what hurts the most: not knowing.
1. Chapter 1

**This is an Olicity story**

**Hope you'll like it.**

**I still do not own Arrow. :(**

_**IF ONLY**_

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**Felicity's POV**

I woke up startled and immediately looked around at my surroundings. Realizing I was in my room, I relaxed a bit, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I looked at the time; it was 1:20 AM. I listened to the sounds in my apartment, but I only heard the clock ticking and nothing else. It was dark in my room; I always liked sleeping in the dark but these last few nights, I was afraid to. But even when I was scared, I still turned the lights off before going to bed. These last few months, I felt really uncomfortable in my own bed and apartment. I don't know why, but I feel awfully restless. Waking up in the middle of the night, afraid of something that isn't there. I don't know what to do with myself, I really have no clue.

Not being able to sleep again, I did what I had done these last few weeks. I got out of bed, put my black boots on, wrapped a thick and warm coat around myself and walked out of my apartment. I walked through the hall, to the elevator, got off at the first floor and walked out the building. Wandering through the streets of my city, having no destination. I just walked and walked till I was tired, then I went back home. If you saw me like that, you'd probably think I'm crazy or troubled.

And you would be right, because I _am_ troubled. But the thing is, I don't know why I am this restless. I have everything a 25 year old woman would want; I have a job I love, a nice apartment, friends and parents who love me, a boyfriend who's crazy about me. My life is complete and perfect. So I _should_ be happy, yet I feel the opposite of that.

There is an emptiness inside my heart that cannot be explained. I hide these feelings from the world, because if they knew how I truly felt, they would say that I'm a very ungrateful person. So, I keep it all to myself. But this emptiness and restlessness was consuming me from the inside out. It was draining all of my energy.

My boyfriend Ben is an amazing guy, but I'm not in love with him anymore. Maybe I never was; maybe I was in love with _the idea_ of him. Ben comes from a wealthy family, is very handsome and loves me very much. My friends say I'm very lucky to have him, but all I feel now is a deep friendship for him. Nothing more, nothing less. What makes matters worse is the fact that he always says that he will marry me some day. But I do not want to. These past days, I toss and turn in my bed, thinking of a way to break up with him.

But in every scenario I think of, Ben gets hurt, making me feel extremely guilty. So I postpone it every time I see him. When I wake up in the morning, I say to myself: 'Today I will do it'. But when he hugs me tightly and says that he loves me, those heart wrenching words refuse to leave my lips.

So here I am, still wandering the streets of my city without a destination. Just walking and walking like some nut. Then it happened! It happened so fast, that I froze at the spot. I was going to cross the street; the light was green. But I was in deep thought and didn't see a car driving through a red light! It was coming right at me, but I was too shocked to move. At that very moment, I saw flashes and images before my very eyes.

_I stood in front of a huge house; you could call it a mansion though. It looked like it was build not long ago. I opened the front door that was made of thick glass. While standing on the threshold of the door, I saw my reflection in a mirror. I was wearing a white summer dress and wore my blonde hair down. Without hesitation I walked inside the mansion and gasped at how beautiful the living room was. Apart from the fire place, the interior was modern. There was a huge black couch in the middle of it and two tables made of glass. The walls were painted white, while the curtains were red and hung all the way down to the floor. It was a gorgeous living room with red, white and black colors. There were a lot of windows, so the sunlight lit up the room, giving it a special effect._

_I stood still for a couple of moments, enjoying the view, but walked further to see the rest. There were no rooms on the first floor, so I assumed that they were on the second floor. But instead of walking up the stairs, I walked through a hall that ended up in the kitchen. It was also huge and modern. The dining room had a wooden table with 16 chairs, while the walls were painted red._

_I walked further and opened the back door. The sun was shining; the warmth of it on my skin made me feel wonderful. I was amazed how beautiful the garden was. There were a lot of trees and the garden had a whole lot of flowers. All kinds of colors, shapes and sizes. I felt like I was in a fairy tale, almost feeling like a little girl again. Birds were singing and the wind was making the leaves of the trees go from left to right. I was smiling widely, closed my eyes and inhaled the fresh air. It was nothing like the air in Starling City..._

_I was startled by a noise behind me and turned around. As my eyes landed on this stranger, my breath caught in my throat. I was looking into the deepest, lightest blue eyes I had ever seen in my life… He looked so familiar, but I don't think I met him before. The handsome stranger walked towards me, a smile gracing his face, making my heart beat fast against my chest. When he finally stood in front of me, I heard him say._

_"Do you love the house, sweetie?"_

_I was too shocked to answer and nodded. He smiled and whispered." Everything for you."_

_Then he cupped my face lightly and looked deep into my eyes. His fingers were so warm on my skin, making me sigh happily. But after mere moments, he pulled away._

_A beautiful little blonde girl ran into his arms and said."Daddy, daddy. The house is beautiful!"_

_She then turned to look at me and greeted me with a heart melting smile on her face._

_"What do you think of the house, mommy?" the gorgeous little girl asked._

But suddenly I was lying on the ground. In those moments that I was seeing those wonderful images, I felt two rough hands grab me by my shoulders and pulled me to the sidewalk! Instead of thanking this person, I wanted to curse at him/her for disturbing my moment. I got on my feet, planning to scold who ever saved my life. But when I saw _who_ it was, my mouth almost dropped to the ground. I, Felicity Megan Smoak, was gazing into the deepest, lightest blue eyes I had ever seen in my life.

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	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Arrow. :(**

**Hello, my lovely readers. Thank you for the feedback! :)**

**Keep them coming please? Review! :D**

**Olicity**

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**Oliver's POV**

What a long day I had! Today I worked from 9 AM till 11:15 PM, because I wanted to forget. I wanted to forget that today was the anniversary of Laurel's disappearance. I shook my head and felt a sudden sharp pain in my heart. My stomach turned upside down, every time I was reminded of her.

"Laurel." I whispered.

She was my high school sweetheart. It has been 8 years since I saw her last. We were 17 and deeply in love. We were going to graduate high school together and planning to go to college after that. But fate wanted to be cruel to both of us. The day before graduation, Laurel disappeared.

Her father, detective Lance, our friends and I searched high and low for her. I moved heaven and earth trying to find her. And I dedicated years of my life because I believed I was going to succeed in finding her. But she never turned up. We never found her. Everybody eventually gave up: The police, our so called friends, even her father did. But I never did.

I just need closure, but I have a feeling that I will never get it. Maybe she's dead, maybe alive… That's what hurts the most: not knowing, not being able to move on with my life. There were times, when I got very desperate, wishing that her kidnapper would just send us a message, saying that she's no longer alive.

Maybe then, I would be able to let go… of her.

I'm wasting away my life, searching desperately for closure. I never fell in love again. Sure I had girlfriends after Laurel, but I never felt love for another woman again.

As I walked out of my office, I laughed sarcastically at my life. When I was 17, I never thought I'd end up like this.

Laurel, Laurel, Laurel. Will I ever let her go?

((()))

Today was really difficult for me. Early in the morning, Detective Lance had called me and invited me over to his house. He and his wife and his daughter Sara, had organized a 'meeting'. They did that every year, because the anniversary of Laurel's disappearance was always difficult for all of us. So during these 'meetings', we talk about Laurel and try to comfort each other.

But today I declined the invitation. Why? I don't know… I just want to forget… forget her.

I left QC around 00:30 AM, but didn't go straight back to my apartment. I stopped at a bar, trying to drink my sorrows away. Gosh! I'm really pathetic, feeling sorry for myself. Around 1:30 AM I decided to go home, after I had a lot of drinks. I got out of the bar, walked to my car and was fumbling with my keys. I couldn't see straight anymore. Again, I sarcastically laughed at myself and decided to call Diggle instead.

But just as I was about to dial his number, something or to be precise, _somebody_ caught my eye. I saw a young woman wandering the streets. It was late and dark, but by the light of the full moon, I could see her face clearly. She looked _so_ troubled. She had long, shiny blonde hair and lips red as the rose. I couldn't see the color of her eyes though.

She was about to cross the street and was _so_ deep in thought, that she didn't see the car that was driving right at her! I ran as fast as my legs could and grabbed her tightly by both her shoulders and pulled her onto the sidewalk.

As it dawned on me that I had roughly grabbed her, I looked at her, ready to apologize. I wished I wasn't that rough, but in that moment all I thought was to save her life. She got up and looked furious! I was pretty sure she was going to give me a piece of her mind. But when she saw that it was me, she looked kind of shocked and we just gazed into each other's eyes. Not a word leaving her or my lips.

She was truly a very gorgeous beauty. I think I've never seen someone as beautiful as her. She had ocean blue eyes, and plump, red lips. I, Oliver Queen, never was lost for words. But for a couple of minutes, I was. I sighed deeply and miraculously after a couple of moments, I was able to say.

"Pardon me, but are you alright, Miss?"

**Felicity's POV**

I was so lost gazing into his baby blue eyes that he had to repeat his question. He smiled down at me and asked once more.

"Are you alright, Miss?"

I bet 100 dollars that my cheeks turned crimson red, because he had a twinkle in his eyes. I guess he found it funny that he had an effect on me.

I cleared my throat and said."Yes, I'm fine. I scraped my knees a bit, but other than that, I'm perfectly unharmed. By the way, thank you very much for saving my life. I'm forever in your debt."

The stranger smiled at me, so I reciprocated with a smile.

"No need to thank me, Miss. It's my pleasure." He replied.

"My name is Felicity. You don't have to address me with Miss." I responded.

"Okay, nice to meet you Felicity. Even under these circumstances." He uttered, as he kept his eyes locked on mine.

That made me a bit uncomfortable, so I laughed loudly out of nervousness.

"So, we have established that my name is Felicity. And yours is?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, excuse me. My name is Oliver Queen."He said and extended his hand, so I grabbed it.

As our hands connected, I felt a sudden calmness take over me. Even though his touch was warm, it made a shiver go through my body- a good, very good shiver.

Slowly, the restlessness and emptiness that I had felt for months, was ebbing away. As a sigh escaped my lips, Oliver looked questioningly at me.

"Nothing, I just had a very eventful day is all." I said, as I tried avoiding his gaze.

"Well, Felicity. I think it would be a very good idea if we looked at your knee. Does it burn a lot?" He asked, truly concerned about me.

"It isn't that bad, Mr. Queen. I will take care of it when I get home."

"Please, call me Oliver."

"OK, Oliver. It barely hurts, don't worry about it." I said.

He nodded."I also apologize for pulling you roughly to the sidewalk. I didn't mean to be so harsh." He said with a serious look on his face. He looked really sorry.

"No need to apologize, Oliver. If you didn't, maybe I wouldn't be alive right now, talking to you. So, once again, thank you for saving my life."

After hearing that, his face lit up and his beautiful smile graced his face like before.

"It is very late, but my favorite coffee shop is still open. Would you like to have a cup of coffee with me?" He asked, looking at me with his gorgeous blue eyes.

I so wanted to say yes, but I had to think about Ben. He was crazy about me, but also very jealous.

"Maybe some other time, Oliver? I'm very tired, so I really have to head back home now." I reluctantly said.

He nodded.""You're right, it's really late. Some other time then."

Oliver called a cab for me; after 5 minutes I sat in the cab and he closed the door for me. We looked each other in the eyes for the last time and said goodbye. But not before he slipped me something in my hand. As the cab drove away, I opened my hand to see what was inside. It was a piece of paper folded neatly. On it was written: _Call me, Oliver Queen._

His number was on it too. I smiled and put the note in the pocket of my coat. Okay, I have to stop smiling from ear to ear. It wasn't normal, but I couldn't help it though. Oliver Queen…

By the time I arrived at my apartment building, my restlessness had disappeared completely. I furrowed my brows, wondering what that was about. I didn't have time to dwell on it though, because when I stepped into my apartment, I saw Ben in the living room.

He had a very disapproving look on his face." Felicity, where the heck were you?"

((()))

**Oliver's POV**

After I watched her cab drive away, I called Diggle to pick me up. I was way too drunk to be able to drive my own car. As I sat in the limo, I thought about Felicity. She looked _so_ familiar! But I was sure that I had never met her before tonight. Had I seen her picture somewhere? It bothered me immensely that I couldn't quite place her. Who was she?

**~ 25 minutes later ~**

I arrived at home and hoped that my mom or Thea didn't wait up for me. They both knew that the anniversary was always hard for me. As I stepped inside, I felt Thea leap into my arms. I wrapped her in my arms, as she held onto me tightly.

After a little while, she looked up at me."Where were you, Ollie? We were so worried about you! I thought something bad had happened to you and…" she scolded, and then hit me on my upper arm.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I'm fine, really. You don't have to worry about me, Thea." I said, trying very hard to be convincing.

Thea saw right through me though."You don't have to act all brave, Ollie. I know that you're hurting. And BTW, why didn't you go to the Lances tonight?" she asked, as she placed a hand on my arm.

Talking about this was the last thing I needed."Thea, please. I don't want to talk about it, OK? I'm tired and its very late. I just want to take a shower and jump into bed." I pleaded.

"OK, Oliver. Fine, you don't wanna talk? I'll let it go. For now…" Thea replied.

She then kissed me on my cheek and walked up the stairs to her bedroom.

**~ 15 minutes later ~**

I had taken a quick shower and was sitting on my bed, when something on my desk caught my attention. It was a picture of Laurel. Someone had placed it there. It must have been Thea or my mom. I walked towards my desk and took a seat in my chair.

I immediately hid the picture and let out a deep breath… I want to forget… I want to let go… I want to move on… So badly, but why can't I?

As my eyes began to water, I opened my laptop and randomly began to browse on the internet. At one point, I unconsciously typed Laurel's name. I read the articles for the thousandth time, as my tears spilled from my eyes.

But then my eyes landed on a picture… OH MY GOD! It was her! OMG!

_There was an article about a 17 year old girl who was kidnapped by an unknown man. After being held captive for 7 long hours, the girl was set free. Physically, she was in good condition considering what she had been through. But mentally she wasn't the same anymore. After that traumatizing experience, she had to undergo heavy therapy. She was so traumatized that she wasn't able to help the Police to catch her captor. She wasn't able to identify the man that kidnapped her, nor was she able to say where he held her captive. After being questioned by the Police for two weeks straight, her parents decided that it was enough. They moved away with their daughter so she could live her life in peace._

As I read the article, my hands trembled heavily. But then I read the last line, making me grip the desk _so_ hard that my knuckles turned white…

Authorities believed that Felicity S. was taken by the same man who had kidnapped another teenager.

A teenager named Laurel L…

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